Reading another essay gave me some ideas for my improving my own essay. The description that was given about some of the images in their essay helped me as a reader to understand what they were talking about as well as help me as the writer to add more detail so my readers will understand. By including more detail my readers will be able to understand Kalman's original essay and ideas.
After seeing notes from another student about providing more detail about the images that I briefly mentioned makes me really understand that it wasn't written in great detail. As a writer you know what you are talking about but it is all about how your message conveys to your reader, so the added details will be a great improvement.
In addition to my notes from another students review, my conference also helped a great deal to clear some parts in my paper that may have been a little cloudy. For example, there are parts in my paper that need more specific details. After my conference and rereading my essay i did make note that at some parts of my paper I repeat myself with different sentences, but the same meaning.
Reviewing my essay is going to include three major parts, correcting repetitive sentences, including detail about images that correspond with the topic of the paragraph, and also correcting my cited page. I am going to accomplish all these by taking into consideration all the notes and advice I have gotten form my conference and my peer review. I will go back and reread Kalman's essay to see what pictures would do great to helping my enhance my essay.
Great, Jena. I think the revisions you listed will put you well on your way to making a good essay even better. I am glad you noticed that your reviewer suggested you add more details. It's really amazing how clear you have to be for another reader to understand your ideas! Sometimes (when I write) it almost feels like I am being too obvious or stating things unnecessarily, but other readers (especially those people who have not read "Back to the Land") will really benefit from thorough, concise descriptions and summaries.
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